and today was the first day that i looked to alcohol to make me feel better.
i didn't feel better. i felt worse. i don't know why people do this to themselves.
the voice in my head kept screaming for me to find a way to kill myself. to run
into traffic, to use the glass from a bottle i broke earlier, to find my bf's razors...
i smoked a blunt to help me relax and calm myself down. this is ridiculous. i'm
not that person. i'm not that person anymore and i left her behind in middle school.
i shoved her underneath my bed behind all of the other bad things in this world and
i swore to god that i ignored her. i found a way around her. i fought really fucking
hard to find my own personal happiness in a world where everything and everyone
wants to bring you down i stood tall against myself and everyone else. but now i feel
like i've just gone back to square one. whats next? am i going to turn to mollies like
several of my other friends? am i going to succeed and let myself drown in my own
depression? what am i going to do? i have no home. i'm a gypsy. constantly moving
around until my heart leads me to a place where i can settle down. i'll never drink to
solve my issues again. i'll just smoke find my own way.
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